Well....summer is over. School started for the kids last week, and they are excited to be back. I think for all of us the comfort of having a schedule is nice. We kept ourselves busy this summer with lots of trips up lake to the cabin in Lucerne, days at Slidewaters with friends, time at Mill Bay Resort, and a fun trip to Silverwood to boot. Our house suffered from lack of cleaning and is just now getting back in shape from us being gone so much. It was good to stay busy...Sheri would have wanted it that way.How are we doing? I get that question a lot. You tell me..... Do we miss Sheri?....of course. The minute by minute pain has subsided to an ache now. I miss her gentle spirit, her loving companionship, our talks in the morning and at night, the notes she would leave me on my desk at work. I miss her touch, her laying next to me in bed, her cooking (this is big for the kids!). I miss sharing my life with her....this is what I miss most of all. It makes me sad to know she won't get to see our children grow to be adults. To see them graduate, or get married, or have kids of their own some day. That we won't get to cruise the San Juans after we retire like we thought we would do. That we won't build that house that we wanted to up on our property where her garden is. All this adds to the ache. How are we doing? You tell me.
At the end of this month, I start a class on grief down in Wenatchee. I'm looking forward to learning some new things to help me in my journey.
The other day I watched the movie "UP" with the kids. I hadn't seen it in a couple of years...since right after mom passed away. When I saw it the first time, I thought of mom and dad...it made me sad. I must have forgotten how sad it made me, because it was like I watched it again for the first time....this time it was about Sheri and I. How can a cartoon stir so much emotion? The scene that hit me most was when he opened up her adventure book and saw all the pictures she had put in there of their lives together and she wrote to him this: Thanks for the great adventure! Now go out and have a new one.
Sheri and I had those same conversations. She would tell me these things through the tears of bad news from the doctors....times when it became hard to look up. We would flash our eyes to a future that might no include her. I don't like to look there for very long...it hurt too much, and I didn't like what I saw. Now........ I live there. I know God has something good out there for Alyssa, Bryce, and I. We are on a new adventure, on an unknown road...no gps, no map......no co pilot.
One of the books I read this summer said this about where I am in my journey: It is as if we are chasing the sunset, running as fast as we can to make it stay. Yet, as hard as we run, it is still setting and getting darker. The fastest way to the light, is to stop and turn around and walk through the darkness behind us to the sunrise waiting on the other side.
How am I doing? I've stopped running......I'm turning around......I'm starting a new adventure......wish me luck.
Looking "UP"
Brett
